A LETTER TO MY TEENAGE SELF AT THE END OF 2020

Hiya sweetheart,

How are you? Oh, how I wish I could travel back in time and give you a big squishy hug of reassurance, to chat over your insecurities and tell you it’s all gonna be okay.

I know you feel like you don’t belong, I kinda think everyone feels that way about themselves at some point, but I assure you that fitting into a mould is extremely overrated and will crush your spirit. You do not need to tone it down or quieten your voice in order to be liked or accepted or to make others feel comfortable. You were not created to conform to an idea of what it means to be a girl. You, like everyone else on the planet, are unique, fearfully and wonderfully made, filled with such beautiful potential that will one day blow your mind.

I know you hate your stupid haircut, whose crazy idea was that anyway? But, please, lift up your chin and meet your own gaze in the mirror, there’s a light and sparkle in your eyes that you need to see. You can feel it deep in the pit of your stomach, that wild that’s bubbling up inside. Don’t ignore it girl, feel it all.

I’ve seen your tears and felt your despair. Your loss of hope when you look around and see the injustices, the greed, the brokenness, the hurt, loneliness, sadness and hunger that seems too much to bear – do not let it get you down, use your creativity to come up with solutions to help, you don’t need to fix it all, but play your part well. Do not shy away from that fire in your belly that’s stirring you to make a difference.

You are worthy of taking up a space at the table, there’s room for everyone, it is vast. Come as you are, bring it all, the laughter, the joy, the ferocious longing for things to be better, bring your passion for the things that light you up and don’t for one second think your perspective doesn’t count – it does, and the things you’re thinking may just be the very things that need said aloud. You don’t need to keep quiet, or put up a fight in order to be heard, speak your truth with confidence and don’t fret about needing to be a good girl.

Be as outrageous and loving and kind and wise and silly and giving as you want. There’s a seat at the table of life with your name on it and you don’t need anyone’s permission to plonk your butt on it – dance on it if you want to! I know you love a good boogie!

I know you think your ideas are too wacky and that they’ll never be understood or accepted – you’ll be surprised my dear; if you’re thinking it and feeling it there’s every possibility someone else is too! Sharing your own story may be the very thing that encourages or supports someone else – put it out there and trust the process.

While on that note…I see how much you give – your loyalty and empathy for others keeping you awake at night as you pray and try to come up with solutions to help. I see you dig deep to think of ways to show your friends and family how much they mean to you. I see how hurt you are when it often seems like a one-way street – that you don’t always feel as valued as you would like. Don’t let that make you bitter – keep giving and loving graciously and remember that it’s okay to create some boundaries to protect your own heart also. You deserve love too.

There will be people that like you and people that don’t – don’t worry about it too much. Allow yourself to be challenged but follow and create with those who inspire you to be the best version of yourself, you’ll know the ones, they’ll celebrate and commiserate with you, sit with you when you feel frozen and stuck, help pick you up when you’re down, run with you when you’re in your power and encourage you to keep going. You have nothing to prove to anyone.

Be capable of being alone – embrace times of solitude – it’s important to hear your own thoughts on things, to figure out your own perspective and opinions on the stuff that matters. It’s in that space you will learn to tune into that still, steady rhytmn of your own intuition beating within – it is a gift that will serve you well if you nurture it and will guide you in motherhood, marriage, friendship, work, creativity and beyond.

Listen to that call of the wild – that yearning to run barefoot with your hair flowing free. Pause in nature whenever you can, in fact, make space for it daily. Allow yourself to stand in the warmth of the sun, to take a break from the toil and feel the wind on your face, to wander amid tall trees, to sweat and feel all the bodily sensations that come with gruelling hikes to high peaks – experience it all, every single opportunity to be wild and free! You’ll never regret leaving a to-do list to lay down on the earth and simply be at one with all of creation.

Trust your instincts and follow your desires, don’t worry what others might be thinking. They have their own song to dance to, give them space to do it well. Don’t berate yourself when you trip up and get it wrong, forgive easily and move along. Go dance under the stars and give it all up to the universe – yes, this life is chaotic – messy and muddy and at times mundane – but, it’s also magical and momentous – you’re going to learn to see joy in the every day, the fleeting moments that make things shine with wonder and awe. Even the things that ache deeply and sting so rawly for a while, that make you feel all the fear and vulnerability and lead you to hide away for awhile, are teaching you so many valuable lessons, be patient with yourself.

You are not broken, or ‘too’ anything. You are brave, you can overcome, you are smart and generous, faithful, gentle and fierce, a universe of glorious contradictions that cannot be tamed!!! You have wisdom to share and you also love to play – oh, how you love to roar with laughter until it aches – enjoy it!

Do not fear – the answers are in you and you know what you’re made for, that’s all the validation you need sweet girl.

I’ve got you, together we can do this.

Love, K x

One thought on “A LETTER TO MY TEENAGE SELF AT THE END OF 2020

  1. Brilliant writing as usual trials and hurdles in life come to us all some peoples are higher and tougher than others through your life times have been very difficult and at times stressful as you said everyones path is different and yours have made you the loving caring out going wonderful person you have become and in the future will make you even better. Love dad xx

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